I Don’t Do Nothing Well (or just another day at the Kirby Zoo)

Before you get your panties in a bunch and call me out on my grammar, sentence structure, spelling, or anything else that might be interpreted as you being a “Grammar Nazi”, think about this title. I put it there for a reason.

A day or so ago, thanks to long-standing and very annoying dizziness, I had the pleasure (note the sarcasm here) of literally falling on my ass. In our living room. With two dozen birds (and a small furry dog) looking at me in disbelief as I landed with a resounding thud. It hurt. A lot. And still does. So today I decided to take it easy. After the dog and the birds were fed, the floor swept of the remnants of last nights birdy dinner and the boyfriend out the door and on his way to work, I lay back down with the intention of catching up on the news coverage of the Vice Presidential debate last night. Before two minutes was up, I was fuming. I’ll be glad when the election is over and this bickering and name-calling will stop. Or at the very least slow down. It’s beyond ridiculous at this point. No matter whose side you’re on.

So anyhow, instead of continuing to be aggravated, I cuddled with the afore-mentioned dog, and took a nap. An hour later, I was not-so-nicely woken up by a sloppy wet dog tongue licking my face. It’s a damn good thing this dog is as cute as she is is all I am going to say about that. It becomes increasingly obvious that going back to sleep is not going to be an option, as I am consequently subjected to the frustrated (and ever increasingly loud) barks of a dog whose agenda obviously differs from mine.

So I get up. Reluctantly. We head outside so she can take care of business, which in itself is a project as she absolutely HAS to find the perfect spot to pee in. Ten minutes later, we come inside. Mind you, I had intended to take it easy today. It’s obvious at this point that this plan has gone out the proverbial window. The birds are hooting and hollering, setting the dog off. She starts howling like a banshee and I cannot help but bust out laughing. I regain my composure and decide that the bedroom carpet needs vacuuming NOW. So I drag out the vacuum cleaner and it’s soon mission accomplished. As I am putting the vacuum cleaner away, I hear growling, extra loud barking, and blow-your-eardrum volume level hooting and carrying on. Then the sound of small paws on the wood floor. I turn just in time to see a terrified chipmunk hauling ass down the hallway into the bedroom with the dog in hot pursuit. So much for laying back down and going back to sleep. It would be just my luck to wake up to a stripey brat gnawing on my nose. I’ll take doggy kisses over that any damn day.

By this point it’s after 4pm. If I lie down now, I won’t sleep tonight. Besides, the dog is on the prowl and the birds are in their “Daddy’s almost home” mode, so I scrap the whole nap idea and sit down to pen this narrative. Just another boring day at the Kirby Zoo. Yeah, right.

2 thoughts on “I Don’t Do Nothing Well (or just another day at the Kirby Zoo)

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